


Eyes Closed

by OTPsaisa



Category: Rurouni Kenshin
Genre: Angst, M/M, No established relationship, Pining, Sad, post Kyoto Arc
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-18
Updated: 2020-10-18
Packaged: 2021-03-09 01:48:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,893
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27086584
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/OTPsaisa/pseuds/OTPsaisa
Summary: 'Don't be so stupid, ahou,'his mind conjuring that voice from his memories; unique in its timbre and plentiful in derision. It made his stomach knot as he realized the initial relief he felt when, for a split second, he had hoped for a familiar face. The ache in his chest, which had started in Kyoto after that fateful day full of pain and loss, doubled.
Relationships: Sagara Sanosuke/Saitou Hajime (implied), Sagara Sanosuke/Unnamed Other
Comments: 3
Kudos: 9





	Eyes Closed

**Author's Note:**

> "Now if I keep my eyes closed he looks just like you."
> 
> Inspired by the song Eyes Closed by Halsey.

It had started in Kyoto, after Shishio's defeat. It worsened when he returned to Tokyo. 

Sanosuke often found himself restless, unable to sleep in his own little home or at the dojo. He was thankful for pleasant summer nights as he would abandon his little row house and take to walking dark streets. At first he had tried to burn off what energy remained from the day, tried to exhaust himself, but it was never quite enough. He would eventually return to his futon, facing the wall until the sun rose and the town around him came to life. Giving up on any hope of slumber, he'd begin his day anew.

After the first few days of this, he found his late night walks taking him to an inn far enough from home to feel detached. After hours service, available to accommodate travelers at all times, allowed him to search for solace at the bottom of a sake jug.

No such comfort came.

On his second evening at the inn, pacing his imbibing to waste away the hours, he had a revelation. It came in the form of a man, dark haired with western clothing hugging a well built frame, who had checked in for the evening. 

His heart leapt from his chest as the patron turned, their eyes met as his face came fully in to view, and then disappointment settled in. 

_'Don't be so stupid, ahou,'_ his mind conjuring that voice from his memories; unique in its timbre and plentiful in derision. It made his stomach knot as he realized the initial relief he felt when, for a split second, he had hoped for a familiar face. The ache in his chest, which had started in Kyoto after that fateful day full of pain and loss, doubled. 

His heart rate quickened, breathing shaky, as he watched the stranger disappear up the stairs; the feeling of loss fresh and confusing. He knew what his heart was screaming at him and the fight of denial was short lived, _'I... I miss **him**.'_

He hurriedly finished his sake and left, feeling suffocated and needing the freedom of open air.

He returned on the third night, his booth from before avaliable as the common room was mostly vacant at that hour. The few guests present paying him no mind as he paid for his sake and assumed a comfortable sprawl, back to the wall of the booth as he faced the door. 

Despite his relaxed posture, he was anxious. The whole thing was ridiculous if he really thought about it, this bubble of anxiety building in him as he hoped to catch another glimpse of that tall stranger who may have already checked out; a person who wasn't even the man he most wanted to see walk through the door but close enough in appearance to make his heart feel lighter before a dagger was driven through it again. 

He didn't have to wait long before the traveler returned to the inn from wherever his day had taken him. His jacket was pressed, tailored, though the color was darker than Sanosuke preferred. The lack of a sheathed sword bothered him most of all. 

He'd been staring, he realized, and he blinked himself from his thoughts as the stranger approached. They held each others' gaze as the man settled in his booth, mimicking his pose a short distance away, their backs to the same wall. Ocean gray met earth brown until the man turned his gaze to the door, leaving Sanosuke torn between disappointment and relief. 

"You look lonely." That voice was too deep. 

"Guess you could say I am," Sanosuke hesitated before finishing his drink, "who says I want company though?"

"If you want, I'll go, but the way you were staring... I've seen it before, in men who are looking for something." Already this guy talked too much. Sanosuke was about to tell him to buzz off when he held up his own jug in an offer to replenish Sanosuke's drink, "it's bad luck to pour your own. Share my sake, as payment for imposing on your booth."

"May as well use the space since it's empty," Sanosuke shrugged, then forced a half smile, holding up his little cup, "I will take you up on your sake though."

Sanosuke's hands were surprisingly steady as he accepted the refill before taking the bottle and returning the gesture. The lull in conversation that followed was achingly uncomfortable until the stranger filled the silence,

"I take it you aren't staying here?" At least that voice was pleasant.

"No. Just needed to not be home." Sanosuke contemplated the liquid before taking a drink; the somber tone he employed in less than jovial situations present. 

"Seeing you last night, you looked as though you were expecting someone else." He continued to watch the door, perfectly relaxed as though he were in the company of an old friend. 

"Not really," Sanosuke lied in between swallows.

"Hmmm..." That noise of acceptance so far from the sneer that he preferred. The stranger turned to Sanosuke before silently raising the jug. Sanosuke returned the look, swiveling his head just enough to rest his chin on his shoulder, as he stared at the man for a drawn out moment; he brought his cup up to accept. 

"You ever meet someone, and they're only in your life for a little while, but they make a huge impact?" Sanosuke downed the alcohol quickly before raising his cup again, feeling bold. The man indulged him. As he waited for a reply, he renewed his companion's own. When it was apparent this man was going to allow him the freedom to monologue uninterrupted, he continued,

"I've met two... I've lost both of them." He didn't include Kenshin in his ruminations as he was still one of his closest friends. 

"The first, I was so young and it hurt _so much_ to lose him. We were betrayed, men slaughtered all around us, and his only thought was to save me, even after he was badly wounded... after 10 years, I've found a way to cope with the pain. I try to keep his spirit alive and I hope I've made him proud."

Gray eyes never strayed as he allowed Sanosuke to sort his thoughts.

"The second..." Sanosuke trailed off, unsure he'd be able to continue without choking on the words. 

"You lost them recently."

"Yeah," Sanosuke gave another false smile, "am I that obvious?"

"Your eyes, they say a lot." Neither had broken eye contact and the man seemed to be staring directly in to the depths of his soul. Sanosuke couldn't look away. 

"We were... brothers in arms for a short period."

"Not to intrude where I don't belong but I don't entirely believe you."

At that, a genuine smile graced Sanosuke's lips, the first in a long while. What was it about these tall, dark, and handsome men that made them so damn _perceptive_?

"He stabbed me with a cheap sword."

A brusque bark of a laugh came from the man, disbelieving. 

"I'm serious!" Sanosuke's voice finally holding some emotion as he raised his voice. He turned his body towards the man, dropping the shoulder of his gi to expose the skin there. "I have the scar to prove it."

"So you do." The man's eyes finally left his, head tilting as he observed the healed wound from afar. Sanosuke made himself comfortable against the wall again, head and shoulder resting against it as he turned himself towards the man. That gaze shifted as it followed the length of the fist fighter's body before returning to meet his eyes. It was a fleeting look but Sanosuke caught it. 

The man softly cleared his throat, a faint blush appearing high on his cheekbones. _'Mibu's Wolf would never blush like that...'_

Sanosuke, feeling brazen, returned the appraisal at a slower rate from neck to feet before returning to his face. The guy was handsome enough, but he didn't appear to be built like a swordsman or a fighter of any kind. His face was attractive but lacking harsh lines and any traces of a scowl; dark hair, similar to that of another, was combed back far too neatly, loose strands disappointingly absent. Sanosuke wanted to twist his fingers through it, to muss it up. He skipped over stormy eyes to follow the straight line of his nose before stopping at thin lips. Those were the closest thing to familiar on this man. 

"You smoke?" Sanosuke wasn't sure why it mattered, but he wanted to know. 

"Occasionally." One corner of those lips quirked up in amusement. 

"Is tonight one of those occasions?" Sanosuke hadn't found the need to pull his gaze from that mouth just yet as it opened to speak again. 

"It could be." The short answers lending themselves to the fantasy forming in Sanosuke's mind and he turned his attention to the sake he had forgotten, wanting to avoid meeting eyes of the wrong color. Sanosuke drained the remaining portion, hoping the burn would ground him before the alcohol in his system led him to something foolish. _'Ahou.'_ In the end, it was a fight he knew he couldn't win. 

Distracted as he was, he didn't notice the man retrieving a silver case, extracting from it a slim cigarette and a match with which to light it. What he did notice was the all too familiar smell that accompanied the first exhale. If he shut his eyes and just focused... he could almost pretend...

The scent drew closer and he opened his eyes to see the man crowding his space, barely a hands length between them. 

No words were offered, only the cigarette- which was held between two fingers near his mouth so that all he had to do was lean the slightest bit forward and take it. His lips brushed against long fingers–free of callouses–as he did so and he closed his eyes. Sanosuke inhaled, then the man withdrew it for another drag of his own. 

Those eyes were watching him when he opened his own again, exhaling; a gaze not quite as piercing as he would have liked, but intense all the same. He could pretend...

They stayed that way in silence, sharing the cigarette until it was no more, discarded Sanosuke didn't know where. Those eyes still locked on his and the man leaned towards him...

"Not here." Sanosuke whispered, no hesitation as he stood to slip his shoes on. His feet took him out the door without a glance back, leading them to the vacant alley behind the inn. He knew the man would follow. 

Hidden in shadow, Sanosuke pressed his back to the wall, pulling the stranger close when he was finally within reach again. He gripped wrists to maneuver those callous-free hands to lay exactly where he wanted them: one wrapped softly around the side of his neck, fingers threading in the hair at his nape while the other tucked under his jacket, cupping his shoulder, thumb pressed to that healed sliver of scarred flesh.

The man didn't wait for further permission, trapping Sanosuke's body with his own as smoke tinged lips descended. Surrounded by the scent of burned tobacco and the warmth of another's body heat, he let his eyelids fall shut. Behind them, all he saw was gold.

**Author's Note:**

> Sanosuke angst and whump of all kinds is my kink. I was half tempted to go in the sad smut direction with this. Obviously I didn't but it might happen someday.


End file.
